its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
