I am puke
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize