I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
