we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
