There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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