My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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