we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think people are normalizing furries
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
