I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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