You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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