I accidentally had phone sex last night
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
