By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
