It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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