One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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