Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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