Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
