dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
