Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
