I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I am naked and annoyed.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
