I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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