I just made out with a guy for $7.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
where are you?
Hypothermia
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
