Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
