stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
