Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize