My Higher Power is John Stamos
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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