Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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