Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
