you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
