Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize