before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
