He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize