new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
