I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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