Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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