So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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