great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
