Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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