get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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