Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
