When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm really busy with my period
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