yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
