I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
