Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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