i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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