is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
