i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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