he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
