Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
