I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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