she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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