He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
