I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she smelled like a LAN party
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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