you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
