good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
