a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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