exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I am midnight drunk by noon
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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