WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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