oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
