he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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