I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
