I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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