so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
