I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
