I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize