also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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