so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize