I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
