so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
