I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
