Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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