Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
