the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
