I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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