I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
