North Korea, Best Korea!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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