I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
