I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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