I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize