The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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