the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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